Spendthrift Spouse

What do you do when all your money saving strategies are being sabotaged by your spouse or partner?

You are doing everything you can to save money. You’ve made a budget, reduced expenses, cut back wherever you can only to find your dear one has used the credit or debit card, or spent money on things you didn’t plan for or you think are frivolous.

First, take a look at what you’re goals are. Are you are trying to gain control of unruly finances? Are you saving for a specific reason, like a new house or vacation or are you suddenly forced to make cutbacks from job loss or other major change in your income? Make a simple financial overview. Write down on paper your income, expenses and where the shortfall is.

Now set some time aside to talk about it; not during the big game or favorite tv show, or date night either. Pick a time when you and your partner are not tired, a weekend afternoon perhaps. Find someplace away from the kids or other distractions.

Next, be honest. Show them your written budget and discuss what you are doing and why. It’s much easier to see on paper. Many times when one person handles the finances, the other has no idea what’s really happening. Don’t be threatening or accusing. Explain that this takes both of you and ask for their “help”. Try to set a goal together. Listen to what they have to say. Negotiate if necessary. You might be willing to cut back on the coffee shop if they agree to take lunch to work a few days a week. Make sure you include some discretionary spending in your budget. It gives you both a sense of freedom but keeps you from surprises. Give your spouse a specific amount of cash each week, to spend as they please, no judgement from you.

Finally, if all else fails, you may need to get professional help. (couples counseling, not those awful credit counselors). Whatever you do, don’t let money problems fester. It will only hurt your relationship.

Holidays on the cheap

I know you will see a million articles and blogs on how to do things for the holidays in frugal ways. Here are the ones I’ve found to work without making all your gifts out of used potholders.

Holiday Meals: If you have a large gathering, or even a small one, ask each of your guests to bring their favorite or “specialty” dish. It’s not wrong to ask what they’re bringing or suggest a dish. “Aunt Mabel, everyone loves your pecan pie, would you consider one for this year?” That way you don’t have four string bean casseroles. Planning ahead is also important. Look at the store specials and buy what you can on sale. Frozen turkey, thawed in the fridge three days beforehand is way cheaper than a fresh one. If you’re not a traditionalist or having just the family, consider a chicken or just the turkey breast, or not a turkey at all. If you are really strapped, and invited somewhere else, accept the invitation and ask what you can bring.

Christmahanakwanzika: Okay it’s Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanza put together, but it is gift giving season no matter what. Among our friends I’ve told them we are just giving to the children this year. Most parents do appreciate this and are happy to save a bit of money too. You can still give a card addressed to the family.

If someone’s having a party, it’s customary to come with a hostess gift. These are easy, a few pretty soaps, dollar store ones are nice enough wrapped with rolled wash cloths and a ribbon are a nice gift. Use a pretty leaf or twine for festive additions to the wrapping. Baby gifts like bibs or a plush toy or rattle are easy to find in most places. For small children 3 to 6 year olds, a couple of match box cars, or dress up toys are great from the dollar store.  7 to 12 year olds: playing cards like uno or old fashioned gifts like yo yo’s, paddle balls or a small box of legos can be found cheaply. Over 12 is a bit tougher. If you’re not absolutely sure, stay away from the latest trends. Chances are the trend is old by the time you know about it. This age group is picky. I hit the office supply store:  a new set of earphones, a usb drive in a fun shape or color, cool pens, pads, journals etc. The dollar section at Target is a good place for this but you have to have some discipline to stay away from the rest of the store.

Office exchange: While your at the office supply store, get a good deal on some nice pen sets. If you are really broke, a mug from the dollar store with some tea or hot chocolate pack with a ribbon is always your best bet.

Don’t forget the thrift shop. There are always nice candle holders, dishes and mugs for super cheap. Buy a few pretty china dishes and then bring cookies, brownies or other food gifts. It’s a great place for baskets too. I’ve found so many name brand dishes from noritake to crate and barrel. You will be surprised.

Get Support!

Your friends or family may be influencing your spending. If you are spending, shopping, eating out too often, etc. Look at the reasons. Are you keeping up with the Joneses? Are your friends spendthrifts? Are they in debt too? Are you looking to fill a void in your life? Is it an emotional release? Associate yourself with people who have the same intentions; Living within their means. Talk to your spouse, family and friends and include them in this process. The more support you have, the better.

Find inspiration on the Internet as well. Subscribe to money saving newsletters. http://www.stretcher.com and http://www.thefrugallife.com both have great and inspiring newsletters and forums to meet other people who are living within their means. Join in on frugal and money saving forums. Watch out for get-rich-quick schemes. They will never make you money.

Of all the books I read, I have found two of them to be most helpful. The first book is “Your money or your life”. As with any self-help book, you will find points in this one that no longer make sense in our economy. However, the first few chapters are eye opening. Changing your view of money is critical in changing your financial picture. The second is “The tightwad gazette” this one is fun to read from cover to cover. It’s full of great tips and stories to keep you motivated. I don’t rewash plastic Baggies, but I love the pizza dough recipe and it’s written in an easy to read manner.

One last thought; everyone has an opinion, advice, tricks and tips to help you. Pick and choose what works for you. Not everything will be right for everyone. You control your own destiny and financial future. The hardest part is to get started.